Maya's Birth. It was on Wednesday afternoon/evening that I started to get really excitied, Emma was starting to get regular contractions and they were slowly getting closer and closer; I kept thinking over and over about everything that we had learnt about labour and checking lists in my head just in case we had forgotten to get anything. We phone the hospital and their advice was to wait until the contractions we about 5 minutes apart. So we did, and eventually they were. This was it. We phoned the hospital again and they said to come in. This was definitely it. We got our bags together and then we were off. I remember taking one last look at the house and thinking, then next time I come here - we will have our daughter to show around and introduce to her new home. We were off. The drive was scary, poor weather, slightly scared driver and a passenger in labour but we got to the hopsital in one piece. We went into the assessment unit and waited for the midwife to put the heart monitor on the baby, but she struggled to find anything. I thought that this was a bit strange as no one had struggled to find Maya's heartbeat before, however I just assumed that she was now in a position that made it harder as she was lower in Emma's belly. But there was that small niggling doubt that was there. We were taken to the ultrasound room and the consultant began to look for the baby, that was when the words that I never wanted to hear were said. Your baby is not alive any more. I could not believe it. It had to be wrong, of course she was alive. Those words are with me, I can hear them as clearly now as I could then. It is one of the few clearest memories of the whole night that I can recall. I remember that all me and Emma did was hug and cry for what seemed like forever. But she was still in labour and we could not deal with this blow to our lives at the time. We were taken to a side room and tried to get the news to sink in, all I remember is tears and tissues. Emma struggled to deal with the physical pain. We had agreed months ago that Emma wanted to feel every part of giving birth and that I was to make sure that this was what would happen. But now everything had changed. Emma didn't want to feel it now and I didn't want her to feel it. The consultant discussed an epidural and agreed. But it was too late. We were taken to the delivery suites, there was no time for an epidural and Emma carried on with gas and air. I remember feeling quite useless and numb, I kept offering Emma water and encouragement to keep going with every push but I was struggling to keep my own enthusiasm. We both knew that every push brought our daughter closer to the world, but that she would not cry out, she would not squirm and she would not look at us. But we had to keep going. Emma told me and Jane (the midwife) that she wanted to change position on her back to on her front, we all helped Emma do this, and not long after moving - at 2:55am Maya was born. I looked at her and felt a love that I had never felt before. Even then I thought to myself that the scan was wrong, the doctor was wrong and the Maya was ok. But I was wrong. Jane helped me cut the cord, something that I had always planned to do. I remember Emma asking me if it was a girl, she asked me a few times, but I could not talk straight away. I eventually told her it was and that she was beautiful. Emma held Maya for a moment and my heart stopped; my two girls together as it should be, but also so wrong and so unfair. Emma passed Maya to me as her and Jane sorted themselves out, I just sat with her and held her. I remember looking into her beautiful face and willing her with every breath just to move, to open her eyes, to open her mouth - anything. I would have given everything just for her to open her eyes. I did not want that moment to end; in those moments where I held my daughter I knew that life was unfair and that I, her Daddy, could do nothing to change what had happened. I remember Emma speaking to me, I don't know what she said, but when I looked at her, I felt amazing pride at what she had done, what we both had to do. I still feel that pride when I look at her. Maya's story does not end here, I want to write more for all you lovely people to read because I am Maya's proud Daddy and I want people to know what we did as a family, me, Emma and Maya, afterwards. But I need to do it in bits. I love you Maya, you are always here with me and you are the unbreakable bond of Mummy and Daddy's love for each other. These moments will stay with me and are part of me, like you are a part of me forever.